bury_your_lies

bury_your_lies @ 2005-12-18T22:20:00

2005-12-19T06:20:06Z

so i am sitting here with patrick and i have nothing to say right now i never update this thing.

from time to time i check my friends and i see whaat you guys allhave to say.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-12-01T15:58:00

2005-12-01T23:59:27Z

so last night i got a speeding ticket.
i was going 105 in 65 and i had no insurance.

i almost went to jairl.
butt i didnt.
i got lucky.

i have 3 points on my record now in the past year.
1 more until may then i get my license suspended.

i have to drive careful
kinda sucks.

♥
i know its been a long time. ill start updating again soon im going to be getting a new journal.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-11-12T17:36:00

2005-11-13T01:36:42Z

i really dont update this thing anymore.
lol.
im gonna make a new one soon.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-10-04T19:33:00

2005-10-05T02:34:52Z

friends only...comment to be added.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-10-04T16:20:00

2005-10-04T23:22:43Z

thats cooter.
its who i hung out with last night.
haha we spent 15 min trying to decide who was going to drive. i let her.
we talked about dumb stuff.
went to matt and chris's.
ate at del taco bell (hahaha).
went to her friends house.
she dropped me off.

the end.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-10-04T02:14:00

2005-10-04T09:18:45Z

i feel like i give to much.
i do and do and do for people then they fuck me over.
i give rides. money. and im usually nice.

whatever. i can and never will trust anyone.
maybe im better off without friends.
the only friends ill ever need are
matt chris and erica because they are the only ones that have stuck by me
been there for me with what ive needed.

im going to school. getting a job.
thats all i need.

ill let people be angry with me and hate me.
but i cant let that get to me.

im tired of trying to make people happy.
the only person i need to make happy is myself.

so if you think all those things you wrote.
think twice.

i used to say it was low when people thought about killing themselves.
maybe not. cause thats how i feel. nobody needs me anyways.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-10-03T16:47:00

2005-10-03T23:49:21Z

ehhh.
im lazzyyy today.
nothing to do.
nowhere to go.

i think im visiting erica tonight.
we are gonna go get jamba juice.
i love her and i miss her.

so thats that.

There's a hatchet got a knife
When I awoke there was nothing real in this life
But dreams are so intoxicating, (intoxicating)
When you're doing this alone
Gun, rope, brick on the way
But words have no meaning when its you that says
I really do care, no baby I, I really do care!

Innocence gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?
In a sense gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?

Once a skeptic, now the critic
And you think that you finally found a place of your own.
Amongst the cold and timid souls
Where only failure knows your name

Look around for the closest to blame
But look no further than the hands beneath your arms
and now your 6 feet down, buried with, with your passing fame
And fame fame fame fame.

Innocence gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?
In a sense gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?

Oh oh oh you lie
Tell me something more than what you've tried to hide
If you can't find your self, then how can I expect to find you.
Oh oh oh you cry
Tell me something more than what you tried
The greatest tragedy is not your death
But a life without reason, that your life had no purpose
(Life has no purpose!)

Innocence gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?
In a sense gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?

Innocence gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?

^^^^^
thats just how i feel.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-10-03T02:33:00

2005-10-03T09:34:48Z

It's a fight between my heart and mind,
No one really wins this time
No one really wins this time

If you don't find the love you want,
if I have acted ungracefully
I don't want to see you go
I never meant to make you want to leave

But go if you want.
Make your way straight to the door.
I hope that you look back before you go 'cause grace looks back before it starts to leave

bury_your_lies @ 2005-10-02T06:33:00

2005-10-02T13:37:05Z

soooo today i woke up late again.
i helped my dad move ryans room out.
dyed my hair.
sat around bored.
ryan messaged me. he was bored too.
he invited me over.
i went to his house.
his friends scott jackie and jason were there.
we listened to music.
talked about life and ex's and got all emo to emo music haha.
watched jason and scott play video games.
ate jack in the box.
i drove home at 5:45.
just got home.
im beat.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-10-01T16:01:00

2005-10-01T23:08:25Z

last night i went to arcadia and picked up kyle from work. we drove to stacees and met up with a bunch of her friends. then we were off to covina to pick up ryan. we drove to corona to the showcase to see nevea tears because stacee and clair and ryan know john the singer. it was fun. it was gross in there because it was hot. butttt it was cool meeting new people. stacees best friend ryan is awesome. we talked about stupid things. it was like 12:15 and the show got out. i went out early to make a phone call... but then we all left. we drove to circle K to get some drinks and then drove ryan back home and i went to stacees. i hung out with the girls and then my friend mark who i havent seen in over a year. i didnt get in bed till 6:30 this morning. but it was all worth it.

i had so much fun and i love all of my friends so much.

its kinda funny how sometime people hold you back from having a life.
it kinda sucks that you wait for them because they tell you too and then they fuck it up. i love how this means nothing to you. how you really dont care and only tell me you do. you get jealous over me and expect me to not have a life. then you lie to me. thats fine. im better than that. i hoep you are happy. would have been 3 more days. maybe its better this way.

i love my boys. <333333333

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-30T16:09:00

2005-09-30T23:12:43Z

bleh.
my tummy hurts. being a woman sucks most def.

tonight i am going to arcadia to visit stacee then we are going to a show at the showcase. yeeeeppp. and thats the end of that.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-29T16:18:00

2005-09-29T23:21:20Z

im tired of the same people reading my shit and leaving random comments.
do you really not have a life? do you have to go and read my stuff make a screen name and leave me a message? are you that pathetic? do you really think it bothers me that you dont like me? no. it just bothers me that you cant stay out of my business. obviously you are interested in my life otherwise you wouldnt be reading about it.

leave me the fuck alone.
dont leave me shit comments.
stay out of my business.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-28T19:23:00

2005-09-29T02:24:10Z

and i still love him.
::sigh::

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-28T11:43:00

2005-09-28T18:47:22Z

59 0ujkdi kwefdvclkjklnsdg

haha thats how i feel.
havent slept at home for 3 nights. and you know what I LOVE IT!!!!
last night i had alot of fun. i went to the mall. hmm.. got some food. decided i was gonna become vegitarian.. mind you i am still gonna eat dairy. and as far as the sushi goes i can still eat cali rolls cause they are imitation crab. sooo. yea. then after the mall we went to jamba juice and back to stacees. got on the internet. lol.... thennnnn we kinda just hung out the whole night and me and stacee watched face off while kyle went to sleep. i got to bed around 4. and nowww. im here at home. the wind is really bad here right now... and it fucked up our entire back yard. it sucks. our trees got knocked down and everything is out of its place. buttt thats mother nature for you.

i need to start going to be earlier if i am gonna make it to school on time. lol.. i have a month to get myself on track. i am SOOOO EXCITED!

the end.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-27T13:45:00

2005-09-27T21:49:24Z

sooo i registered at pasadena city college. im a part of the school now.
the class was full but all i have to do is show up on the first day with stacee and theyll add me in!!! im soo excited.
i got fired from my job. my family hates me. but maybe things will be better.

ive been with my friends nonstop for the past 5 days. i came home right now for a little to shower and upload these lovely pics im gonna put up of all the fun ive had.

im glad ive been with friends. they keep my mind off of things.
the other night we went to kaylas its right after santa clarita. we stayed the night. shes awesome and has awesome friends.

theennn last night i went to the House Of Blues in aneheim
oh my god can you say an amzing show!!! it was definatly worth the 25 dollars.

soo heres allll the pics from the past few days with kyle and stacee.
yesterday i didnt get to take any at the show but ohh well.

the end.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-25T12:46:00

2005-09-25T20:53:08Z

OMFG!!

im enrolling at school on monday! Pasadena City College. Im quitting my job and i am gonna be going to beauty school 5 days a week from like 7:30am-5:00pm. Stacee is going to the same place so she said i can sleep at her house a few nights a week and just ride in together. i am soo happy.

for once. i am doing something i have always wanted to do. I am taking out 2 loans. and my family and parents are helping me with my car food and play money. I will finish probably in Oct of next year. I am soooo happy.

im actually gonna do this.

heres some pics from yesterday and the day i hung out with matthew and christopher!!!

the end

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-24T22:29:00

2005-09-25T05:39:09Z

gahhh i love my friends so much.

ive been with them since friday and i am still with them right now..

sooo friday. i was supposed to be with nick for the weekend but he never called so im giving up on him completely cause one moment hes there with me kissing me and the next hes a flake. not to mention the fucking idiots that like to talk SHIT and tell me im lying when im not. like im gonna lie in my own fucking journal. pathetic. anywayyss.. so i called manduh on friday and i came out to arcadia to stacees. we drove to hollywood. we went to hustler where they were having a signing for pirates some new porn. soo it was fun. me and manduh bought some porn. mine has janine in it. shes HOT hehe. anyways.. then after that we went to hollywood and highland. we walked arounf FOREVER. watched some breakdancers got coffee took some pics. looked at the stars on hollywood blvd. it was fun. THENNNNN we all went to my house where manduh got drunk it was funny. we just sat around funny thing was, we were watching the porn like it was a regular movie. soo we were pretty much tired and me and stacee took my bed and kyle and manduh got the floor. we woke up at noon and that was it. manduh went home and kyle stacee and i got ready for the day at my house and burnt a million cds. we went to matts house to get my camera that i left there and then we got gas and headed to manduhs. we went to the tyler mall and walked around for a couple of hours. i got some cute jeans from american eagle and i wore them out of the store. they were like 40 dollars. they have little rips in them. then we all went to red robin and ate. we went to manduhs house and then headed back to stacees where im at right now typing this. i dont want to go home. i have so much fun with my friends. monday i am going to the house of blues in aneheim for a show. and next weekend ill be with my friends AGAIN. thats all my weekend was AMAZINNGG...

ill have pics up soon from it.
the end.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-21T20:19:00

2005-09-22T03:25:32Z

i got my xrays done today of my back. now i just have to make an appt at the ortho to look at them. i didnt go to work. cause i didnt feel like it.

sooo it was around 3 and nick called me. and we wanted to see eachother so i drove out there to him. we went to dennys in hollywood and to hustler. we kinda just talked and stuff. im still seeing him on friday which will be nice. we are gonna go to the movies out here and come back to my place. today he didnt feel good it was sucky. we talked about ryan and stuff and the funny things that he always says. andddd well. that was all. we held hands, gave some kisses and hugs. it was nice. anddddd the i love yous are still there. we are still working out our problems. we'll see where it takes us. his bday is not this saturday but the next. im gonna have to do something for him. maybe i can get ahold of ryan hehe. im sure we an figure something out. and then our 1 year anniversary is that follwing tuesday and its a plan to be back together by then. maybe once we hit the 1 year mark... well be able to know that we can overcome anything. cause thats what we have done. weve been through soo much together it isnt even funny. the past 3 months have been super shakey but i know we'll both be happy in the end.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-20T21:53:00

2005-09-21T04:59:58Z

i saw mathew and christopher fontilla last night. i miss my buddies. bill came over and he got a new car. its awesome. well hes had it but i never got to see it. im glad i got to visit them. we just hung out and listened to music and looked at their pet spider. hes pretty cool.

tonight i went out with manduh and we went to victoria gardens and walked around.
i got more stuff from victorias secret. (body sprays and lotion) we talked it was nice. i missed her ALOT. and i still have yet to see stacee and kyle. i miss them tons too.

i talked to nicholas last night he called me and we talked ALOT. and then today i talked to him almost all day. there were periods where i had to go. but he is feeling sore from riding. im seeing him on friday. we are gonna go see the corpse bride and go to hustler. he told me he loves me and misses me. and i apologized for being such a fucking bitch to him last friday. we are good. taking things slow. his bday is in 11 days and our 1 year is in 14 days sooo hopefully we'll be official before then. buttttt if not then theres a reason for everything. i love him alot. and i feel like a complete idiot for jumping to conclusions about him and saying the fucked up shit i did. i told him wed work on it together. soo im excited to see him. its been a week.

anywayss. thats all thats new. nothing extravagant. but my life is getting better. i need to just learn to be nicer.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-19T14:12:00

2005-09-19T21:18:48Z

soooo
im bored.
yesterday i went shopping spent 220 dollars at victorias secret. it was fun.
hung out witht the mom and gma.

today.
i had to go to urgent care for my back.
it sucked. tomorrow i go to get xrays.
must be a pinched nerve from sleeping on my bed.
dads gonna buy me a new matress.

i miss you (to someone that dropped me off the face of the earth a while back)

the end.

ps. im kinda confused with this certain situation.
i wish this person would decide to be or be without me.
not both. cause its fucking me up.
we'll see. i hope this person isnt lying to other people about
physically being with me or talking to me. cause then that would fuck things up even more. i hope it gets better.

and i miss my friends.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-17T13:51:00

2005-09-17T20:57:10Z

sooo,

today im going to glendora to visit some family.
i kind fucked up my life last night.
i didnt go to bake which is a good things cause i was falling asleep on the road when i was about an hour and a half from home. plus i just wanted to sleep in my own bed.

nick called me. we talked for a few mins. good to hear his voice.
i pissed him off super bad before that. i need to rethink what i say before i say it. he told me just to calm down and that he loves me and hell talk to me when he gets home. but then later he called me. :) i slept a little better hearing him.

i hope my friends are having fun. really i do. manduh gets super crazy when shes drunk its kinda funny. kyle gets talkative and its good to talk. and well stacee. doesnt drink. so shes on my level lol.

17 more days till that best day of my life.
14 more days till another wonderful day.
i love you.

i realized im not going to care what people have to say or think. or worry about what they think they know. cause they dont.

the end.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-15T20:50:00

2005-09-16T03:59:00Z

oooo ...

hmm where to start.
last night i went to studio city.. to see nick.
we needed to really sit down and talk because him calling me and trying to resolve things doesnt work

sooo i got there and we got some food.
then we just parked on this street and talked.
i layed on his lap and he just rubbed my forehead.

we both came to the conclusion of a lot of things.
he said he needs to stop getting out of control when he gets mad at me.
and i told him i need to stop getting so selfish and jealous.
we both said we would change for eachother.

i told him that im sorry about everything. and he said he was sorry too. i told him after the frannie thing it was just hard to trust him again. butt... he said that they are nothing more than friends. that he doesnt want to do anything to hurt us anymore.

all this came up.. from 2 days ago when me and manduh went to go get coffee.
he called before i got to her house. he said he misses me and that its hard. cause he cant be without me but hes tired of fighting. he said that he wants to be with me but we need to work on things. and i told him the same thing.

i dont want to fight anymore with him. this weekend i was supposed to go to bako with my friends but i have to go to a family thing on sat for my aunts birthday and then lisa gets her surgery. soo nick said hed come out and we can take things from there. no fighting. just being happy. even if i have things i have to do for family oh well. im gonna make this better. im sorry for putting him through everything i did. and i know hes sorry too. we are both gonna grow and try to work this out. and help eachother change. so we will see where this takes us.

this is to stacee:
hun i am sorry for everything you are going through right now. just know that i am here for you with whatever you might need help with. i love you and always remember you have your friends.

the end.

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-13T22:48:00

2005-09-14T05:53:17Z

soo.. me and manduh went out tonight.
i love her so much.i can tell her anything.

we went to starbucks and talked about life.
nick called me. we talked.

i told amanda about the whole thing and she says whatever makes me happy.

i told nick i wasnt going to lose my friends again.
YOU GUYS MEAN WAY TOO MUCH TO ME! and ill never leave you again EVER

i told her i always forgive people that break my heart.
she said she used to do the same thing.

i told her whatever happens with my life and relationships that i wouldnt drag her kyle or stacee into it and i wouldnt focus all my attention on the boy. i cant. i love my friends more than life. and that i would balance time with friends and my relationship.

soo we'll see what happens.

i really want to go to bako this weekend with my friends but i might have to go to my family thing and then sunday go to the hospital cause lisa gets her surgery.

soo well see.

im going to sleep now.
night!

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-13T11:35:00

2005-09-13T18:40:08Z

sooo its 11:30 anddd i just woke up.
no work today. just fun.

i get to go shopping and out to lunch with my step mom.
anddddd see my stepbrother adrian.

thats about it.
i miss my friends.

i had a horrible dream about nick last night.
but i woke up and realized it was only a dream.
even tho we arent together and not talking i hope for the best for him
really. i mean that. i hope he becomes happy. gets to go to school like he wants. and hopefully gets his car in a few weeks.

i have a craving for some iced tea or hawaiian punch. mmmm. i think ill go get some.

my dad was talking about cars last night. he really wants me to start looking. sooo im gonna do it. haha i hope. i always forget.

anyways. i hope all of you have a nice day.
and remember... you only live once.nothings a mistake everything happens for a reason.

♥

bury_your_lies @ 2005-09-12T20:10:00

2005-09-13T03:13:51Z

i guess im doing better today.

my emotions are on this constant rollercoaster. ill be ok in the end.
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

my dad gave me 250$ tonight. so im going out with my step mom tomorrow. buying some clothes. going to lunch. maybe ill learn to like her.

im gonna get a job somewhere else. ive been looking. maybe at stacees mall.
i feel ok. ive sat down and wrote out all my plans for the future.

im gonna get on the right track. be happy. live for me.

i love my friends so much. manduh kyle and stacee.
you guys dont understand how much you all mean to me.
i love you guys with all my heart.

i started talking to marc again. no i dont like him any more than a friend.
but at least hes nicer to me than most boys. he was never mad at me. for some reason he knew exactly what was going on. soo. yet another friend to add to my list. i need all the friends i can get.

the end.